Thursday, February 5, 2009
Almost 12 week ultrasound
Yesterday I had an ultrasound and it was wonderful again to see the baby moving all over the place, rubbing his/her eyes, and making fists. I am in absolute awe over the fact that this tiny human being is only 2 inches long yet has all of the human organs, appendages, fingernails, teeth buds, is swallowing and kicking, etc. It is absolutely amazing. The doc said aside from taking 7.5 years to get pregnant, I'm a pretty boring patient with everything looking normal and on track. I don't mind being boring at all! Even the nausea has started to subside this week. Can I really be this lucky? Mostly I am just tired and hungry and expanding.
I was remembering December 22, which was the day we found out that I was pregnant. We had just gotten back from California the night before. I had been wondering when my "monthly bill" would arrive and thought that maybe, just maybe, it was a little delayed. But since it is usually pretty prompt I never keep that close of tabs on it. It just always comes! After arriving home from California with a major headache, I was headed to the advil bottle when this little nagging thought said, "What if???" Well, when you are me and the "what ifs" have never panned out in over 7 years, you tend to not want to run your life by the "what ifs". But, this time I decided to go to bed with out the advil. The next morning I went grocery shopping and thought, what the heck, let's just throw one of those cheap pregnancy tests in the cart also. I really just wanted to rule it out and give myself the freedom to take an advil when I wanted one. So, when I saw the second line pop up I was perplexed. It was much lighter than the first line so I thought for sure it was just faulty. I showed it to Blaine and he said, "You're pregnant."
"No I'm not!" I argued. "I'm NOT pregnant. I don't believe this test at all. If I were pregnant, that second line would be just as bright as the first...right???" Blaine assured me that he fully believed I was pregnant but I just didn't believe it. I couldn't allow myself that luxury yet. So, off I went to Wal-greens to buy a different kind of test. This time I wanted one with WORDS, not just lines. I didn't even mind paying top dollar for the digital kind that actually reads, "Not Pregnant" or "Pregnant." As soon as I saw the "Pregnant" word pop up, I let down my guard and I schreamed, "I'M PREGNANT!!!"
Then came the anxiety. I started feeling an abnormal sense of fear and anxiety over this. I was just sure that it wouldn't last. How could it? And within a few days I was off to Chile to spend a whole month away from the possibility of seeing a doctor. That is when I decided to pay the $50 bucks for an ultrasound in Chile. What an amazing experience and it truly was a validation that there was an actual baby growing inside of me and that I didn't just dream this whole thing up. Then the nausea and the vomiting became added witnesses that I really am carrying a baby. Now I am home and just trying to enjoy this experience.
It has been so wonderful for us to receive so much well wishing and happy vibes from all of you. Thank you for sharing in our joy. Each one of our children is an absolute miracle to us and we feel so blessed that the miracles keep coming.
Posted by Tirsa at 1:32 PM