Random Thoughts from an Infertile Pregnant Woman

-Before I only paid half attention to everyone’s pregnancy and labor & delivery stories. Now I am ALL EARS.
-Why do maternity clothes look so much cuter on the models?
-Man, I am milking this. Frequent naps and milkshakes whenever I want (with out the guilt!) I know I will pay for this in the end but I just can’t seem to care about that right now (denial at its finest).
-Lots of people have their theories on why I became pregnant after so many years. I have my own: Bella and Ezra were always meant to be ours. With out infertility, they would have never found their way to our family. Because of that fact, I will always be grateful for infertility. Heavenly Father really knows what He is doing!
-I knew my uterus was supposed to expand...but, what’s up with my butt?
-I am truly terrified to deliver this baby. I had COMPLETELY come to terms with the thought of NEVER doing this in my lifetime!
-I had also long ago resolved my infertility grief (right about the time that little pink bundle was placed in my arms) and was happy at the prospect of adopting ALL of my kiddos. Having said that, I am thrilled to also have this opportunity to experience something that I thought just wasn’t in the cards for me.
-I have always said this and KNOW it remains true…Adopted or Biological…they are mine and I will love them all the same.
-Adoption is a miracle and I will miss the experience of receiving a child that way. But, I look forward to not feeling the grief and sadness and GUILT that comes along with taking someone’s baby (even though everyone knows it is the right thing).
-Seriously…I thought the boobs got big when the milk came in!
-Sometimes I feel guilty that this third child is coming into our family seemingly so easy…don’t we have to work harder to get a child? Having said that, I know that I have LOTS of hard work ahead of me and maybe I shouldn’t say this until AFTER I have experienced the full 9 months and gone through the delivery.
-The only difference between having a child through adoption or through birth that I am looking forward to is the prospect of being able to say, “Look, she has your nose and my hair” (or whatever). But, then again, do I really want all of our crazy genes passed on that badly? And we are constantly being told anyway how much Bella and Ez look like us (well, like Blaine in particular). This child probably won’t look a thing like us.
-I never thought I’d have kids so close in age and I am thrilled for them that they will have siblings to hang out with. What a gift.
-Now what about child number four? Will this happen again? Will I be Advanced Maternal Age the next time around? Will someone want to place a fourth child with us if this doesn’t happen again? And birth control? What is THAT???
-I’m going to give breastfeeding a try. But, I have definitely gotten used to the perks of having Blaine just as able to feed the baby as I was and of the ease of bottle-feeding. Having said that…Woohoo! Hopefully we won’t have to buy formula!
-Was that the baby kicking or just gas?
-Whoa…my dreams are seriously WEIRD and VIVID!
-Why so much snot?
-Drugs or no drugs? I’m pretty sure I’m opting for the path of least pain.
-Do my friends in the infertility/adoption world still count me as a valid member?
-Remember last year when we bought the mini van and I said, “If you buy it, they will come”? Well, apparently it is true. Along with other ironies such as losing 30 pounds, buying lots of skinny clothes only to find out just weeks later you are pregnant and promptly not fitting into those clothes anymore. And, giving away the one maternity shirt that you own (because you bought it once on sale not realizing it was maternity) and finding out a week later you are pregnant. BTW, I got the shirt back but it is red velvet and totally not appropriate for spring and summer!
-I love hearing Bella talk about how much she loves the baby in my tummy. She is also convinced it is a baby sister. We shall see!