Bedtime

Bedtime. I have a love hate relationship with the concept of bedtime. I love that it is time for the little ones to settle down and go to sleep. I hate that it is usually a big struggle to get them settled into bed and even more of a struggle to get them to stay in their beds. Usually when bedtime hits, I am exhausted. I’ve been with the kids all day and I am ready for a little down time, which usually consists of unloading and loading the dishwasher with out Cali’s “assistance”, folding laundry, and straightening up before I go to bed. But, I digress. Any mom can attest how nice it is to have a few moments to herself when the kiddos are tucked safely in their beds. So, imagine my surprise last night when I was fighting back the tears as I put the kids to bed. I was lingering in their room, even in their beds with them. I didn’t want to say goodnight.

Today I am on my way to board a cruise to the Bahamas. It is going to be a blast! I am going with my sisters and I can’t think of a better way to unwind. But, oh, I am going to miss those little critters. Sure they keep my house messy, my thoughts jumbled, and add a bit of stress to my daily life. But, they also give me more love than sometimes I think my heart can hold. I am overflowing with love for them and from them. I get nervous when I leave them. I am their primary care provider and they are used to me. I know Blaine is going to do just fine at the helm but I am the one with the anxiety. I just need to let it go. I’m sure that will be easier to do when my toes are in the sand.

I had to leave by 5:00 am this morning. Bella told me she wanted to wake up to say goodbye. I told her it would still be dark and not to worry about getting up. But, at 4:15am, a little red-headed, bed-headed, lioness looking thing came stumbling out of her room to give me a hug. I don’t know how she times her internal clock like that but she woke up early every morning last month when I was on jury duty to see me off also. This from a girl who usually sleeps until 8 or 9am. Now that is love.

So, while I may be having the time of my life in the Bahamas…a big chunk of my heart will be home with my babies. Together with Blaine, they are my sun, my moon, and my stars. They are my world and I am grateful for a chance to miss them so that I can appreciate them even more when I return home.