I really don’t want to be that pregnant woman who whines. Seriously, after everything I’ve been through to become a Mom, you would probably think that I would be glowing and happy every day through out this pregnancy. But, maybe that is exactly the problem…I have become a Mom twice already with out ever being pregnant and it worked out great. Although I have had a very normal and uneventful pregnancy so far, I am hitting that last month mark and I am feeling EXHAUSTED and ready for this experience to be over. I now understand why God made pregnancy so miserable…I am actually looking forward to the delivery…something that scared me to death just months ago. Now I am thinking…bring it on! Let’s get this baby out of my uterus and into my arms.
Not so long ago, I had very little compassion for a complaining pregnant woman. In fact, I felt like smacking any woman who had the nerve to complain about her pregnancy discomfort around me. In my head, I’d think things like, “What are you complaining about? Just be glad that you can be pregnant and bring children into this world.” Now I understand so much better what it’s like to be completely grateful for the chance to have a baby, to bring a child into this world, but at the same time to feel completely miserable while experiencing something so miraculous. In fact, I have felt the shame and guilt of not being happy at every moment during this pregnancy. This truly is a miracle to have this chance to do this…I know SO MANY women who want this more than anything else in this world. So the guilt comes every time I think or talk about how miserable I am. But, I have to remind myself that I am only human, too. Becoming, well, quite large, having a hard time doing daily tasks, feeling more tired than I’ve ever been before, sleepless nights, swollen feet, rib pain, hormonal surges that make me emotionally crazy on top of taking care of two little, active people while still trying to stay on top of my home and church responsibilities is starting to take its toll. And, my experience with getting ready for new babies in the past has been so completely different. With Bella and Ez, I had energy, excitement, and the total use of my body to run around getting everything ready for the new bundle of joy. This time, I am excited, true, but it is soooo much physically harder to get ready for a new child when you are the one actually carrying the child. Go figure!
So, I am not writing this post to try to garnish sympathy. I deserve none. I am just another woman going through another pregnancy. It happens all the time. But, I want to write honestly about my experience as it happens and this is where I am at right now. Tired…Miserable…Excited…And feeling ready for this last month to fly by. And to my friends who struggle with infertility, I understand if you want to smack me right now. I really do.