Sunday, July 19, 2009

Feeling like crud

I really don’t want to be that pregnant woman who whines. Seriously, after everything I’ve been through to become a Mom, you would probably think that I would be glowing and happy every day through out this pregnancy. But, maybe that is exactly the problem…I have become a Mom twice already with out ever being pregnant and it worked out great. Although I have had a very normal and uneventful pregnancy so far, I am hitting that last month mark and I am feeling EXHAUSTED and ready for this experience to be over. I now understand why God made pregnancy so miserable…I am actually looking forward to the delivery…something that scared me to death just months ago. Now I am thinking…bring it on! Let’s get this baby out of my uterus and into my arms.

Not so long ago, I had very little compassion for a complaining pregnant woman. In fact, I felt like smacking any woman who had the nerve to complain about her pregnancy discomfort around me. In my head, I’d think things like, “What are you complaining about? Just be glad that you can be pregnant and bring children into this world.” Now I understand so much better what it’s like to be completely grateful for the chance to have a baby, to bring a child into this world, but at the same time to feel completely miserable while experiencing something so miraculous. In fact, I have felt the shame and guilt of not being happy at every moment during this pregnancy. This truly is a miracle to have this chance to do this…I know SO MANY women who want this more than anything else in this world. So the guilt comes every time I think or talk about how miserable I am. But, I have to remind myself that I am only human, too. Becoming, well, quite large, having a hard time doing daily tasks, feeling more tired than I’ve ever been before, sleepless nights, swollen feet, rib pain, hormonal surges that make me emotionally crazy on top of taking care of two little, active people while still trying to stay on top of my home and church responsibilities is starting to take its toll. And, my experience with getting ready for new babies in the past has been so completely different. With Bella and Ez, I had energy, excitement, and the total use of my body to run around getting everything ready for the new bundle of joy. This time, I am excited, true, but it is soooo much physically harder to get ready for a new child when you are the one actually carrying the child. Go figure!

So, I am not writing this post to try to garnish sympathy. I deserve none. I am just another woman going through another pregnancy. It happens all the time. But, I want to write honestly about my experience as it happens and this is where I am at right now. Tired…Miserable…Excited…And feeling ready for this last month to fly by. And to my friends who struggle with infertility, I understand if you want to smack me right now. I really do.

12 comments:

tamiz said...

I'm glad to know that you're normal in your feelings too! It would make me want to slap you if you made it through a pregnancy without feeling miserable! I've always wanted to slap those moms who only gain like 15 lbs during their pregnancy. So, Jude went to nursury here yesterday and was just as upset as Ez gets. Now, I'm going to have to let him cry and adjust! This stinks!

Lisa said...

Although I never went through what you did with infertility I can kind of relate to what you are saying. When I had all my health issues there was a time when I was told I shouldn't get pregnant again. So when I did get pregnant with Isaac I truly tried to treasure every moment and appreciate the blessing of being pregnant. However,like you, there were many days when I was just plain cranky and miserable and I would feel bad for feeling that way knowing what a miracle it was to even be pregnant. I think we are all human and it's only natural to want your body back and that sweet baby in your arms. It will all be over soon enough!

Debi said...

Whine ALL you want! Every MOM has those days...pregnant or not! :) You're AWESOME! :)

Steve and Kelli Fam said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
KrisJ said...

OMGosh this is so normal!! Dont feel guilty! You can feel happy and blessed and still be miserable weve all been there so no sorry's needed! I told you after 2 pregnancies and then an adoption.. adoption rocks!

Steve and Kelli Fam said...

I've always thought that women who say they love being pregnant are LYING!!!!!!!

Yeah since I always complained about how I hated being pregnant I'm sure I was the #1 on your list of ungrateful mothers! ha ha ha.

alison said...

If you hadn't felt whiny before, then I think you're overdue during this last month for sure!! The fact that you're looking forward to L&D shows how ready you are for pregnancy to be over--and i think its great that you're able to look at this pregnancy from both perspectives. When i got to this point Jeff would just say to me "You wanted to be pregnant" Gosh I could've easily maimed him. Baby day is coming soon!!

Jeremy and Emily said...

Hey Tirsa! I totally understand what you're going through! I felt the same way when I would hear pregnant women complaining! When I finally got pregnant I tried SOOOO hard not to complain, but there's just SOMETHING about that last month! So don't feel guilty! Just keep looking forward to welcoming that little angel! :)

Jacqui said...

I understand you completely. I hated my last pregnancy and was so relieved that my water broke a month early then was guilty that my tiny baby was suffering from the early delivery while I was experiencing relief. Why are we so hard on ourselves? I also think some woman have easier pregnancies than others, like the women who don't gain much weight and have a kid every 18 months. Their bodies must be better equiped for the stresses of child bearing. Here's the good news. She can't stay in there much longer.

The Mohrs said...

Yayyy, you're human!!! Being pregnant just rocks your whole world. In the good, bad, and ugly way. I so love ya!!

Tami Bee said...

Take it easy and take care of yourself...and give yourself a break! Either way our babies come to us there are challenges. Face it, it's hot and gaining weight is never fun. I haven't been there, but I feel for you.

Laine said...

Tirsa, oh, I know exactly what you mean!!! You are allowed those feelings and complaints, and expressing them doesn't make you less grateful. Actually, you most likely feel more grateful that you get to complain and whine because 1 year ago you never thought you would. I am so excited for you to have the birthing experience and to read about it.